Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Enter Stage "It's Just Not Fair"

Last night I entered the stage "It's Just Not Fair" as we continue to wait. I had briefly reviewed this stage in past months, but last night I settled into it. As we approach October, the month we "should" be hearing about a referral, we realize it will probably be FEBRUARY before we get a phone call (which means more like JUNE before we come home with our baby). It's just not fair! And, we have to probably have our whole entire homestudy redone because of waiting, red tape, bureaucracy. It's just not fair.

As someone who has a heart for justice, it has been difficult feeling like this whole thing is unjust. Our hands are tied. We can do no more than what we are doing. So, I am an elephant! Female elephants are pregnant for about 22 months...two years. That's us. I have been pregnant for almost one year. One year down, one more to go! How do elephants do it? Do they think, "this just isn't fair?" What about the biological mother and father of our future baby? Do they think, "It's just not fair" because they do not have the resources to care for the child they love? What about those women or couples who are not able to biologically have a baby and do not have the financial resources to go through IVF or adopt. Are they crying out, "It's just not fair?"

I know, I know..."Life isn't fair." I get it. But right now, I just need to sit in this stage and maybe connect with all the other voices out there who are crying the same mantra.
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A Prayer to Guide Us Through This

Susan had lunch with a friend who shared this prayer with her:

Please infuse my being with your light--surround me with your love, that I may be lifted up and carried by your grace. Whisper into my thinking the inspiration that will help me through this. Help me be clear and calm. Embolden my heart with the courage to stay present and connected, for I know that in your presence lies my healing. I ask you to guide me-and everyone involved in this situation-every step of the way. Lift my spirit into a higher vibration that I may grow from this experience and become my greatest potential. Let there be a miracle. I am open and willing to have a miracle occur. Let the healer rise and take charge. I thank you in advance as I know that it is already so.