How do you Support an Adoptive Parent?

I've come to realize that most people don't really know what to do with adoptive parents. It isn't their fault. We really don't do a lot to publicize adoption and therefore, we don't know what to do. With pregnancy we can get excited as we see a belly grow or celebrate an ultrasound picture. Adoptive parents don't have that. They have big words like Dossier and Homestudy and I600A forms. Don't see too many greeting cards for "Congrats on getting that Dossier done!" So, this past week, I've had several things happen to John and me that have been supportive of our adoption:
*John's parents sent us baby stuff! We got burp cloths and a blanket and a stuffed bear that plays "Jesus loves me!" It was a sign that they are getting excited too!
*One of our churches (Susan is a pastor of two United Methodist congregations) gave a gift to Susan and John in honor of Pastor Appreciation month. It was a gift to Africa Famine Relief in their name. This was a great gift which said, "Hey, we celebrate your adopting from Africa and we want to be a part of the process! Meant the world!!!!
*Susan and John got a cartoon from Susan's mom that showed two kangaroos coming up to another kangaroo. In the pouch of one it held a giraffe and the kangaroos said, "We've adopted!" Not only was this funny, but it was a sign of support and encouragement!
*A church member came up to Susan and talked about her experience of a neighbor who had adopted from Eastern Europe. It was her way of starting the conversation and made Susan feel like her adoption was important.
*Susan's parents went with her to look at cribs and strollers. Even though we have a ways to go, there is a need to nest. This helped validate the need to nest and prepare!

So, if you know of someone who is adopting and are wondering what to do...it's the little things that can matter. Ask the couple what is going on in their process. Talk with them about it. Have the couple share their story. Learn all you can about the country and make a gift to help relieve suffering in that region. Know that even though a belly isn't getting bigger and it may be a long wait, pregnancy is happening!

Continued thanks for the support! 11 months to go!

It's Official!

We are now Officially Waiting! Though it may seem like a technicality of wording, this is a very big deal. This means our agency received all of our dossier paperwork and all was in order. They are now sending things to the Ethiopian Embassy and on to the Ethiopians to await our match with an infant 0-12 months (or twins if they happen to have any, who knows?).

What a relief. Though we have about 12 months of wait time, we have lots to do. Work, work, work and start a nursery list, maybe begin decorating and gathering travel stuff (you have to take just about everything when you go get a baby in a 3rd world country. That should keep us busy for a while. We won't have much to share over the next few months, but will fill you in as often as we can and update you on what life of waiting is like for us! In the meantime...Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future and into a family!

What are our plans? We hope to do some traveling (talked about Alaska --moose!) and live the single life while we are able. And pray that we are able to actually handle this parenting thing that we have worked so hard to obtain!

Experts in Waiting

Our adoption agency has a forum group for all of us waiting folks to get online and chat about the process, forms, and the biggest discussion --WAITING! The latest has been that someone on the forum shared they had been working with another agency and they had waited about 2months for a referral. Well, all panic broke loose. Hundreds of waiting Ethiopian adoption people freaked out! How could our wait be 12 months if those people only waited 2 months? Should we switch to that agency? What should we do?
I have to admit that my first instinct (as I know that John and I just returned from having all of our dossier documents notarized (thanks Dianne) and they are ready to be authenticated by the Secretary of State and then sent to our agency for finalization) was to stop the process and find out how we could switch to an agency that could get us a child in a few months. I have had similar feelings this week as up here in Denver we have been without gas! Should I go to Mooresville to try to find gas? Do I have enough in my car to get me there? What should I do? Those of us who are going through adoption, you have to understand, feel very out of control. I have felt lately that I need something that I can control. I can't control the Department of Homeland Security to make sure they return our 171H form (which we got in the mail today!) and I can't control the Ethiopian government who may shut down court because power went out. I chopped all my hair off a few weeks ago. Why? Because I could control the length of my hair. So, we tend to freak out if we feel that there may be a way to control this process of adoption.
So...Here is what I decided. #1 Step away from the forum group. Way too much stress for me right now! #2 Nothing in the last two years has been in my hands and certainly the referral of our child is not in my hands. If it takes 12 months for God to match us with the child meant for us then let it be 12 months. Is it what we had planned? No! But I have a sneaky feeling it is what God has planned for us.
Now that I have come to this conclusion that no, we are not switching agencies and whether it is 2009 or 2010 when we come home with our child it will be the right time! And there is something very freeing in coming to that conclusion. Makes breathing a bit easier. And in the end all of this will just make us experts in waiting...