What a Journey

Here I sit...four weeks after we finally found our baby girl! It has been an amazing story, a whirlwind, and a testimony to the kindness of strangers, the ultimate gift-giving, and a family now begun.

It was Wednesday, April 14th. We got an email, late in the afternoon, with a possible situation. A birthfamily was in Florida and were looking for a family to adopt their baby girl. We had to make a decision as to whether we wanted to be considered in less than an hour. The profile of the family looked good. The baby was, at that time, scheduled to be born the following Monday (April 19). We still had time to get some clothes, pack the car, get some work finished, and drive down to Boca Raton. We said yes.

Thursday, April 15th, we had to get our updated homestudy, a copy of our profile, and paperwork for the lawyer in Florida ready to be overnighted. Thank goodness our homestudy had just been completed. The lawyer wanted our paperwork by 10am on Friday in order to be considered as the adoptive family.

Friday, April 16th, lawyer's office called and started telling me what all kind of paperwork I needed...I stopped her and said, "Wait, does this mean we are the parents chosen? We are having a baby?" She said, "Yes, this is happening!" But there was still much to be done. Our fingerprints had been sent to the FBI in West Virginia two weeks prior. They had to get to Florida in order for us to clear and leave the state. But they couldn't find them. I drive to Charlotte to get John to sign some papers and meet my mom to go do some shopping. While in Charlotte we got the call...the birthmother's water had broken. We needed to get to Florida ASAP because the birthmother wanted to meet us (with the intention she would not place the baby until meeting us). John and I started freaking out..trying to get fingerprints, going to uptown Charlotte to try to re-do them. Then just leaving for FL hoping it would all work out. We left our home at 9PM and drove all night.

Saturday, April 17th...baby is born at 1:07AM

Saturday, April 17th, we arrive at West Boca Medical Center at 10AM and immediately meet the birthparents and our baby girl! We were filled with all kinds of emotions...excitement, shock, exhaustion, and anxiety. The birthparents were great and love our little girl. We were so glad we were able to spend time with them. We gave the birthmother a gift of a butterfly windchime. I told her whenever she heard the chime to think of us and our baby because we would be thinking of them. We got to hold our baby girl and thought she was the most beautiful baby ever! We then left and were able to meet up with the birthfamily for lunch later that day. Again, this was cherished time. We will tell our baby girl how fortunate she was to have such love bring her into this world. Saturday night, John and I got to our hotel and crashed with feelings of deep joy.

Sunday, April 18th, we went to breakfast with cell phone in hand. This was the morning the birthparents were signing legal papers placing their child with us. We waited two hours before we got a call from the lawyer. The BPs were having difficulty signing. They needed to hear from us that we would send pictures and updates. We got on the phone and reassured the BPs that we would tell our daughter about them and send them pictures often. Another hour and a half went. John and I are sitting at a Starbucks when the call came, "Congratulations, Mom!" We were thrilled. We headed to the hospital thinking our daughter may be discharged, but instead spent some time feeding her and having a last day of rest before picking her up on Monday.

Monday, April 19th, since our fingerprints are still lost in the pile at the FBI, we had to go to the Boca Raton police department to get them reprinted and overnighted to the FBI. The Boca police were gracious and kind and didn't charge us (just one of many small blessings along the way). We then went to the hospital to pick up our daughter. Suddenly the whirlwind stopped and we realized we were indeed parents. We headed to FedEx to send off paperwork and then to our temporary home at Embassy Suites. Embassy Suites could not have been a better first home and first family. They discounted our room for us and helped us celebrate our family.

Over the next several days paperwork began to move to and from West Virginia to Florida to North Carolina. And though we were in Florida for 12 days we had valuable time together as a family. On April 28th we were at breakfast in the hotel lobby (where we had eaten the last 11 days) and got the call we were cleared to leave FL! We jumped and loaded the car and drove all day to get home. Our baby girl slept the entire way!

April 28th, 10:30PM Home at Last

And today we celebrate our baby's one month birthday! Amazing.
I look back on the last few years and wonder how we got through hurdle after hurdle and dissapointment after dissapointment. I assume it is grace...yes, I am sure it is grace. And it is grace that I am now experiencing when my baby girl looks at me. That grace...it is amazing!

Not the one...

Well, we went through a week of waiting to hear if a birth mother chose us to be the adoptive parents. We weren't chosen. It is such a weird feeling. You don't know exactly what to do. Do you get excited and anticipate the phone call? Or do you prepare to hear the bad news? I guess I went back and forth going through both feelings. One day I was ready to get back to the nursery and get it ready in case we were told the baby was coming. But then I didn't want to get too excited knowing that I may have to be let down. And then I tried to prepare myself to accept the news. And when the news came from our consultant that the birth mom chose someone else, I was upset but quickly thought..."well, that just wasn't our baby."

So, another blow. But we keep going, waiting, and anticipating when that phone call will bring us the good news and we can buy a crib!

The Switch Has Been Made

John and I have decided to pull out of Ethiopia and switch to pursuing a domestic adoption. We made this decison based on a few things. One, the now two trips to Ethiopia is a huge issue. One can't just jump on a plane and travel an extra trip to Ethiopia without spending a lot of money doing it! But that wasn't the sole reason. We also just felt our heart moving away from adopting internationally and personally wanted to pursue an adoption closer to home.

We have chosen to go with an adoption consultant firm that will help us navigate the possibilities. Our profile will have the opportunity to be shared with lots of working agencies and lawyers, many in adoption-friendly states. Our homestudy is being changed (once again) and that puts us even a few more steps ahead and ready. We also have chosen to be able to accept a baby-on-the-ground which means a baby who is born and needs us to get on a plane and go in 24 hours to pick him/her up.

We feel good about this decision. Money aside, this decision seems to fit us well. So, we are now in a different gear. A gear that could mean we get matched quickly. Time to get that crib and some diapers. And time to get serious about name possibilities.

And the Hits Just Keep On Coming

Yes, the rumors appear to be true. Two trips to Ethiopia will be required! We are possibly one or two months away from getting a referral and now we have been hit with two trips to Ethiopia. What does this mean? Well, it triggers all kinds of things. One, it means A LOT MORE MONEY. Flights to Ethiopia are not cheap. John and I talked and even if one parent can go on the last trip, we both want to go both times. So two flights to Ethiopia two times is much more money. And it means more time off. We are both working and taking another week and a half to travel means less time when the baby comes home. Two, it raises some flags about the program. Other countries that begin setting up more regulations begin to close down. So there is that concern.

What do we do? We have no idea. When we hear this news we want to react to it and try to find alternatives. "Maybe we can revisit domestic adoption" or "Let's find out how much of our money get refunded if we pull out of Ethiopia" Basically we are again paralyzed with decision making!

Ughhhh! Our agency is holding a conference call on the 25th to hopefully give us some kind of guidance and more information as to this new step in the process.

It's not If, but When...

It isn't IF but WHEN...the when may be getting close...

John and I communicated with our specialist at our agency this week. Seems like we may 3-5 months away from a referral!!! Yea! Actually, 3-5 months is nothing compared to waiting almost 2 years. We can do 3-5 months with our eyes closed! Of course, after the referral we will have to wait an additional 4 months before we travel, but at least we will have a face to our dream!
So, to keep busy, this weekend, baby furniture gets painted! Time to get cracking!

We may be in the homestretch! I don't know if I will believe it until we are home with our baby and someone pinches me! But I'm going to stay hopeful!

One year...One week...

We have passed the one year of waiting mark. We get to re-do some of our homestudy and after that...there is Nothing left to do.

As of today, I don't even really have any thoughts. My emotions are neither mad or anxious. I'm just kinda on pause.

Maybe One year...Two weeks will be better...

It's October! Our One Year Wait-aversary!

October is my favorite month. Ok, put aside the fact that it is my birthday month...October brings cooler weather and colors everywhere! I love having my front porch lit up with mums and pumpkins!

And this October...October 14th, to be exact, is our one year wait-aversary! We will be celebrating one year of successfully waiting for a referral. Hard to believe that a year has gone. I know that this time last year I went through the calendar and wrote on the 14th of each month, "8 months to go" and "6 months to go."

And alas, just when we thought we would be getting a call from our agency with the name of our baby, looks like I have to keep writing on the calendar, "9 more months to go..."

Here's hoping that the pages of the calendar fly by and the beauty of the season will keep us preoccupied with things other than waiting.

The Beauty of Ethiopia

Enter Stage "It's Just Not Fair"

Last night I entered the stage "It's Just Not Fair" as we continue to wait. I had briefly reviewed this stage in past months, but last night I settled into it. As we approach October, the month we "should" be hearing about a referral, we realize it will probably be FEBRUARY before we get a phone call (which means more like JUNE before we come home with our baby). It's just not fair! And, we have to probably have our whole entire homestudy redone because of waiting, red tape, bureaucracy. It's just not fair.

As someone who has a heart for justice, it has been difficult feeling like this whole thing is unjust. Our hands are tied. We can do no more than what we are doing. So, I am an elephant! Female elephants are pregnant for about 22 months...two years. That's us. I have been pregnant for almost one year. One year down, one more to go! How do elephants do it? Do they think, "this just isn't fair?" What about the biological mother and father of our future baby? Do they think, "It's just not fair" because they do not have the resources to care for the child they love? What about those women or couples who are not able to biologically have a baby and do not have the financial resources to go through IVF or adopt. Are they crying out, "It's just not fair?"

I know, I know..."Life isn't fair." I get it. But right now, I just need to sit in this stage and maybe connect with all the other voices out there who are crying the same mantra.

Our Child Will Be Surrounded by Homeland Faces

John and I just moved. We are now living in Huntersville...the south side of Lake Norman. But I am working in Davidson. We love both Huntersville and Davidson. Any adopted family, and I guess especially adopted parents of international children or children of a minority race or ethnicity, worry about their child "fitting in." John and I have talked about raising our child from Ethiopia -- the joys and the challenges. At some level, we will never be able to identify with our child, culturally and ethnically.

That is why when we moved and instantly became connected (loosely connected right now) with four families who have adopted children from Ethiopia we were thrilled. Even at my church (where I work) there is about to be an adoption support group and there are families with Ethiopian children who are members. We are amazed.

All I keep thinking is how awesome it will be for our child to see other children who like like him/her. They will see other Ethiopian children with Caucasian/American parents and they will not feel so isolated and alone.

We give thanks that we are in a place where others before us have helped pave a way for us. What a joy it is!

This Time Next Year...

I've found myself saying this a lot..."This time next year we will have the baby here." Or "This time next year we will have to re-think our vacation." Or "This time next year we will have to find a childcare center." Or "This time next year we will be wishing we had Saturday mornings to sleep in." Some say you can't think too much into the future because it is unknown and something we have no control over. But right now, while we wait for the months to turn the only thing that helps with the wait is to think about this time next year.
I listened in on the monthly webinar our agency hosts. We were reminded that the current wait time is 12-15 months. So hopefully, this time 5 months from now we will have received a call. But it very well could be this time 7 months from now we will be waiting for the call. I wonder if the birth mother of our child is thinking and feeling the same thing? Maybe she is saying, "This time nine months from now I have to make a decision on what to do with this baby." Or maybe she and her husband are thinking, "Maybe this time nine months from now we will have the money it takes to support this baby."
Pondering the future can be hopeful or just a giant tail chase. In the end, we just don't know. But I'm going to chose to cling to the hope of this time a year from now we will be celebrating the summer with our Baby Heun and giving thanks to the parents who had to endure a wait of their own.

Ok, God...Just So We are Clear...We've Got the Patience Lesson...What's Next?

John and I participated in a webinar last night with CHSFS (our adoption agency). Many in the Ethiopia program are curious about what is taking so long, why the delays, and wanted a forum to ask questions.

Looks like the current wait time is 12-18 months. The best thing to tell all of you is that we have no idea when we will be getting a call with a referral.
October? December? March 2010? We don't know. But I am hoping that 14 months will be our mark which would mean we won't end 2009 without a phone call from our specialist.

My conversation with God has been: Ok, God. I think we have learned the lesson on patience. We can move on to something else now!

We will covet your prayers as we continue to wait for our child to be matched with us!

The Latest Statistics for Us Waiters

Well, Here is the latest look of statistics from our Adoption Agency.
Here is an update about what families are currently experiencing:

- 24 families received a referral in the month of March. So far in April, 12 families have accepted referrals for 15 children.

- the wait time estimate for a single child continues to be 12-18 months from dossier submission. Currently families are receiving a referral of a single child approximately 13 months after submitting a dossier.

- of the families who received a referral of a single child in March/early April, one family waited 13 months and 1 week, while another family waited about 11 months.

- families “at the top of the list” for a referral submitted their dossier in March 2008

- court date assignments that we received at the end of March were for a date approximately 8 weeks after a family accepted their referral; which is a positive change from the 12 week time frame we had previously been seeing. Hopefully this will continue to be the pattern.

-at this time we continue to see families traveling to Ethiopia about 16 weeks after they accept a referral.


On a related note, CHSFS Ethiopia has finally received all of the necessary documents and permissions needed in order to begin referring children from Bethel Orphanage in Nazret, Oromiya! A few children have already been matched with CHSFS families and we hope to be placing more children from there soon.

Maybe it will be October when we get a call afterall! Keep the Faith!

May Now Be Looking at DECEMBER???!!!!

Well, I got the latest newsletter from our agency and we were told that due to a huge number of applications last late summer to fall, we may be looking at 14 months of total waiting. I have to say that I am heartbroken. What is two more months? It is two more months of going with no control over anything, two more months of waiting for a name then waiting three months to travel, two more months of not having a child. Two more months which leaves me asking, "Did we make the right decision?" "Maybe we should have done domestic adoption." "Maybe we should have gone with another agency." "Maybe we should have gone with another country." Two months, when we have been waiting for so long, feels like a life-time!
But what choice do we have? We wait. And pray that God will maybe speed up time or work with the system to get more needed orphans homes of love!

Is the Dance in You?

One Tree

Happy Ganna! Christmas in Ethiopia is TODAY!

The Ethiopian Christmas, known locally as Ganna after a hockey-like game the shepherds played when Jesus was born, usually falls on the old Julian calendar date of 7 January. The celebration has a gently festive air, especially on Christmas Eve in Addis, where people gather to eat, drink and dance.

Christmas is generally not that important in Ethiopia. This is partly because Orthodox Christianity is more centred around Mary than Christ, but most importantly because death is considered more significant than birth, hence Easter is a much larger religious occasion than Christmas. Only very dedicated Christians fast before Christmas, whereas almost all fast before Easter. Many people follow the Ethiopian Orthodox Christian approach. On Christmas Eve, a religious ceremony takes place in all Orthodox Christian churches throughout the Ethiopian highlands. The ceremonies are long and involve the whole congregation. Priests dance sedately, swaying side to side in time with their sistrums (percussion instruments), while young men dance around a drummer, leaping and jumping, achieving an almost trance-like state. The ceremony begins sedately and builds up through the night into a crescendo, the music from the church being heard far and wide until the early hours of the morning. In most towns, Christmas Day itself is largely a family affair, with the occasional game of Ganna being played in the afternoon.
An invitation to a family Christmas is the best way to enjoy the day. If you're lucky enough to be invited, be prepared to eat a feast of delicious specialities and drink homebrew until late in the day.The place to really experience a traditional Ganna is in Lalibela, which was built as Ethiopia's own Jerusalem by King Lalibela in the 12th century. There is therefore a particularly strong connection with Christ here, and pilgrims travel for days to attend colourful ceremonies in all of the 13 rock-hewn churches nested in the hillside. After church though, if possible, buy a goat or some tej (honey wine) and pay a visit to the adopted family you've found!

Christmas Traditions in EthiopiaEthiopia is one of the oldest nations in Africa. It still follows the ancient Julian calendar, so Ethiopians celebrate Christmas on January 7. The Ethiopian Orthodox Church's celebration of Christ's birth is called Ganna. It is a day when families attend church.
On January 19, Ethiopians begin the three-day celebration called Timkat.The day before Ganna, people fast all day. The next morning at dawn, everyone dresses in white. Most Ethiopians don a traditional shamma, a thin, white cotton wrap with brightly colored stripes across the ends. The shamma is worn somewhat like a toga. Urban Ethiopians might put on white Western garb. Then everyone goes to the early mass at four o'clock in the morning. In a celebration that takes place several days later, the priests will dress in turbans and red and white robes as they carry beautifully embroidered fringed umbrellas.
Most Ethiopians who live outside the modern capital city, Addis Ababa, live in round mud-plastered houses with cone-shaped roofs of thatched straw. In areas where stone is plentiful, the houses may be rectangular stone houses. The churches in Ethiopia echo the shape of the houses. In many parts of the country there are ancient churches carved out of solid volcanic rock. Modern churches are built in three concentric circles.In a modern church, the choir assembles in the outer circle. Each person entering the church is given a candle. The congregation walks around the church three times in a solemn procession, holding the flickering candles. Then they gather in the second circle to stand throughout the long mass, with the men and boys separated from the women and girls. The center circle is the holiest space in the church, where the priest serves Holy Communion.

A Blessing

This was a blessing used at a friend's ordination service. I share it with all of you!

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. May the peace of God and the God of peace be with you forevermore. AMEN.

Advent...the season of waiting

Happy Waiting to all!

I Need Africa More Than Africa Needs Me

Here is a great video from YouTube!